Miss you

It's funny how happy feeling rarely make you write so much. I think it's because, if you're happy, you don't really reflect on it. You just feel it, get lost into it, and make the best out of it. The only thing you think about is how happy you are, how lucky you are and how everything is falling into place. So you don't reflect. You don't write. But being sad, or upset, or missing someone... just feelings that make you feel like you're a paper sheet being turned into a ball. Those feelings make you think about your life. Maybe we search a change. Maybe we search for what it is that's making us unhappy. Maybe we know, and we just ponder about it, stew it a bit. But we do write a lot more about it. I always write when I'm feeling down. It comforts me. I used to write about not being free, about being stuck in my own little world. I used to write about not knowing what path to take in life. Or about what I really wanted for myself. But right now, I'm gonna write about missing people. Because it can drive you fucking crazy. The thing is, can you really miss someone you've only been going out with two months? I know there isnt exactly a specific date for being in love, like 'as from the 5th week together you'll be in love'. But I care so much about you, and now that you've gone away for a month, I feel I still care as much as I did, but you... maybe you don't. (Just writing those words made my eyes fill up with tears). Because I really hope you still care for me. I really hope when you come back I'll be able to jump into your arms and hug you and kiss you and take you hope and sleep next to you. Because I think about that every day. At least three times a day, I count down the days to see you, and I imagine the scene of me getting of the bus down in out little university city, and you'll be there waiting for me. And I'll see you, and smile the biggest smile I've ever had crossed upon my face, and run at you so fast I'll probably trip somewhere. And fall into your arms. So you can kiss me, and hug me, and just whisper how much you missed me. At least three times a day, I picture that scene. But then I try not to fool myself, I think about what I always tell myself, 'don't expect much, don't get your hopes up, expectation will only let you down'. It has so many times before... I wonder if you have anyone there with you. I hope you don't, I really hope you don't, but if you do... that'll hurt less than you not liking me any more. I don't know. I hope I don't have to be in that spot. So here I am, 2 am with my brain at full power, with nothing but you in my head. I wish I could read your mind sometimes, just to see if you think of me. Then again, I may be disappointed... I miss you. And I really hope you miss me too.