Don't even bother

I feel like the worst person in the world right now. Like everything I ever believe in, all my principles were just thrown down the drain. The person I least wanted to be is the person I became, all because I'm... well, I'm weak. And now I've hurt one of the person's I care for the most, and everything sucks, and everyone probably thinks I'm a whore, even though I know I'm not. I can't stop crying. I want to be strong and lift my head and change my life, but just the thought of getting out of bed and facing all those judgemental eyes, watching me, condemning me... and his eyes, hating me. I know I didn't do anything technically wrong, but still, he was hurt. And now I feel like shit, I feel like getting up is the hardest thing ever, I feel constantly nauseous and sick, sick of life, sick of myself. Sick of being me, of making all the wrong choices, always. I think I need a radical change. The only thing holding me together is knowing that I have friends, who like me and know I'm not everything everyone's saying. At least I hope they don't. I hope they don't leave my life, otherwise I'll just collapse.